Love an Illusion or Reality

As of recently I've been craving for you to say "I love you".
I wonder now why it's so important for me to hear it.
You asked me if I had ever heard a particular song, as usual I lied and said I had.
I knew you saw through me in that second but blew it off as me just being me,
But now I sit here listening to that song.
I see why you asked;
It's because you don't understand it either. That feeling, that need.
You told me once that I'm the worst thing for you
But you can't stop thinking about me, needing me, wanting me.
I couldn't agree with you more.
That feeling, I believe is that so called love.
But if you really think about it, is it not an instinct to need someone to care?
So then is it just a comforting word meaning you're not alone.

I don't really care at the moment,
because even if love is just an allusion to not feel so alone in this world, so be it.
I'm wrapped in your arms right now listening to you whisper how much you love me and I too whisper back.

"I will always love you."

So whether it be reality or an illusion, I don't care.
All I know is that I love you and I feel safe and protected in this moment.

Never Say Stop

"I will stop if you ask."  She held his gaze for a few long seconds, contemplating his words, before turning her eyes back to the fireworks and nodding in embarrassed understanding. Embarrassed because she knew that no matter how much he made her shake inside, no matter how flushed her face, or how tongue-tied and anxious she became, she would never ask him to stop.

Stop

You're only hurting yourself you realize don't you?
You stare me down as if trying to intimidate me.
No, not intimidate, convince. You want me back and I so desperately try to fight it.
I can't do this; you're the one who said enough.
You're the one who said stop.
So why can't you? why can't you just stop?
Stop trying talk to me. Stop trying to smile at me.
Stop, please, just stop. Can't you see the damage you've done?
Do you really want to cause more.
Suddenly he's moving and I haven't realized it but the bell has wrong.
I don't move, I watch him come and lean over and wipe the tear that has
so embarrassingly fallen down my cheek.
He says it then without words just a simple, lowering of his eyes;
I see it, I hear it in those few seconds.
"I love you"
My breath hitches
The teacher asks "What's going on?"
And in the next second he has gone.

Quit

You leave me there. There really isn't anything to say.
I can't say; "Well that's alright"
I can't say; "It will be okay"
I can't say anything, because there isn't anything to say.
It isn't it won't be, I nod understanding and leave.
I turn my back on the person who wanted to help. No you turned yours on me.
I was a lost cause something you could never fix or didn't want to.
I wanted so much for us but now you are quiting.
Though I know, because I know you, it doesn't mean anything.
You will fight against your better judgement.
Because you're addicted, and have felt withdrawl and want more you want to overdose.
You want me. You want me so much you would do anything,
and as I sit here knowing you're watching. Feeling your eyes on me.
I watch the clock praying the bell will ring. Hoping that I can escape but it doesn't,
and I did the stupidist thing I could've. I looked back into those deep green eyes, and I lost.

Anniverser

They say that your Birthday is a special day.

A day full of joy and happy tears.

Then why is it cloudy today?

Why is it everyone is yelling and shouting and saying today was horrible?

Why is it I'm on the floor holding myself saying it will all work out?

Pain is what I remember today,

Fear is what I think of today,

Anger, Hatred, Loss, and so many others haunting me

Just leave me alone.

I want today to be the day I smile and laugh

For everyone to be happy with what they have

For love and kindness and patients to be part of the memory of today

I hear yelling I cut trying to forget I throw up trying to forget.

Just make it stop.

Today was suppose to be my birthday.

For You To Know

I need to feel you against me.
Your perfect lips meeting and melding to mine.
I miss you, I want you. You make my heart race inside.
All of it so overpowering, please stay for all of time
I love you more than anything else. Please be mine.

Withdrawal

It feels like decades, yet only days.
It hurts, it yearns for you, it aches
Like somethings missing, my second half, my saner part
But when I return that second day will you in that room over power me?
Will you bend me like you please, you say you wont yet I know you will
I will not stop you either; My lovers curse, to be obedient to that I serve.
I fear the pretator within will make loose,
That precious line I trust you with, will break and tear
All self conscious thrown away.
Bend me, break me, pull me close, Tighter! Tighter!
And I know this will come because you've suffered from the
Withdrawal too.