Losing Control

drip...

What a True Family Means

Family is not the people who have given you life

A father is not defined by the male patron who sired you

A mother is not always the woman who bore you for nine months

Family will and always be at least to me the people who love you
Who raised you with care and gentle hands
Mothers teach and nurture
Fathers laugh and hug, and high five you when you've accomplished a goal
Brothers are those who tease and laugh and play
Sisters are those who you giggle with at the silliest things

A family is not defined by blood
Family are those you choose to be raised by and who will love you unconditionally
Regardless of the mistakes you've made
Or the sorrows you've faced
Family is love

And one may find it not always in the way they've expected or have been taught in school that this is that
Family can be a teacher, a neighbor, a friend,

I have come to find so many sisters
So many brothers to make funny faces at
So many mothers and fathers

There will always be a bond between myself and the woman who gave birth to me.

But she is not my mother

The girl who has the same biological parents as I will never be my sister

Because I have found a true Family and I will always love them, unconditionally just as they have loved me.

Never feel the need to love those who have treated you poorly.

You can find such kinder kin in those around you.

Dream#347

you’re beautiful
you’re amazing

yet look at me

we contrast so greatly

my eyes so much darker than yours

yet we both bear wounds don’t we?

I suppose you are just stronger than myself.
I would expect so

You take hold
Drawing me to you
I follow
I have nothing much else to do

Where you take me
I do not know
I lost my path long ago
Yet know that not all
who wander are lost

and not all those who have a path
have purpose

Beside a fire
In a room so warm and soft

I feel your presence beside me

promise you’ll come to bed and keep me safe
demons that taunt
me promise you’ll keep me safe

Promise

Broken

What does it matter?

Another word broken?

You've done it countless times

So why not I?

Why am I cared for so much?

Small little me 

that can bring no good or joy

Take me back to that place

Where it mattered no more

The marks on body

All the wars I lost

That's what they mean

I count them up

And see how pathetic I'm being

Don't say you care,

People change and they lie

Don't you dare

Try to be kind when all I see

Is pity in your eye

Take me back

To where it all went wrong

Let me stop it

Please just one try

And maybe

Just maybe I won't cry

Tongue

I know why I catch on now

Why so quickly I can speak any other tongue

But my own

It's because then I can hide behind my words

If we cannot speak then you won't know

My weakness inside the demons I hold

How I'm falling

I won't have to tell you

And even if I slip you won't understand

And those words will be lost

And though they were said 

I will never feel the guilt for speaking them.

So listen if you want but if you try to catch on

I'll jump again and those words will only fall on def ears.

And never will I let you see the demons that I hide.

Because this is my burden

And I never want you to hold it for me

Just

I'm conflicted

I love you, I always will.

But he needs me too.

We need each other,

Hazel eyes with olive skin

or

Fair with bright blue eyes

He understands though

What it's like to be broken

Maybe not the way I am

But we know how to heal one another

Lick the others wounds

When you saw my wounds 

you glared and disapproved

You never did comfort me

You just shrugged it off like a childish quip

He holds me, and tells me that I mean more to him than that

Yet your eyes still linger

I said it before, didn't I?

That we were friends, and that was it

Then why do I feel like we are still

So much more

I love you both

But one is the future

and one is the past

I no longer feel entitled to call you master

You're just my friend

My handsome funny kinda snobbish friend

I love you

I always will

and though I may sometimes dream of your kisses

or reach for your touch

I know in my heart

That when I'm broken

He is the one that I want.

That Sound

Drip....

I can see myself.

Drip....

In the reflection of the mirror.

Drip....

God I look hideousness. My hair, it's all snarled.

Drip....

And my eyes are so sunk in.

Drip....

I look like a ghost.

Drip....

What's that sound?

Drip....

Oh.... That's right.

Drip....

I forgot why I was laying here.

Drip....

I guess I should get up.

Drip....

Before someone sees....

Drip....

I don't know why they'd care.

Drip....

About these scars of mine.

Drip....

I think I'll stay. There really isn't a point anymore. Not to me anyway.

Drip....

I feel light. Like someones picking me up. Everything's so blurry. I can't see anymore.

Drip....

I can't see, it's getting too dark.

Drip....

Where am I?

Drip....