Waiting

I play with it for hours
this collar of mine
I feel like a stray
looking for her master
I meow and whine in your absence

tell me that you'll be there next time
I come that we may meet and enjoy one another.

to feel the other and know that the other is real, so that
I may prove to you that
I love you as much as
I say

call me and
I shall come to your voice
that lovely singing
I wish to hear it once more

I'll wait here for you
I'll come every day and stay for hours
just playing with it
the collar you gave me
so please come
I love you
My master

Departure for Despair

In this last hour I think and think
Calculating in my head for just the right answer.

I know this might be the last time I may see him
My master...
I run out as it ends those few seconds I'm lost in the crowed.
I don't see him please please where are you?
A hand finds mine and I look back it's her and I smile
I pretend like nothing's wrong but my panic and worry grows

Her and I take our seprate ways the sun burns my skin as her hand leaves mine
I head to where he might be but when I get on he's not there nowhere to be seen

I sigh and sit in an empty seat
Another friend comes and sits uinfront of me
again I fein a smile.

He never shows my sorrow is consuming
I leave after a moment and walk a while
wondering if perhaps I'll see him but I know I won't

The sun burns I flee to shade and make my way quick to hide

I lay there morning
My apathy towards all increasing as the need does.

Please Tell Me You'll Be There When I Wake Up
Please Lie To Me

Love an Illusion or Reality

As of recently I've been craving for you to say "I love you".
I wonder now why it's so important for me to hear it.
You asked me if I had ever heard a particular song, as usual I lied and said I had.
I knew you saw through me in that second but blew it off as me just being me,
But now I sit here listening to that song.
I see why you asked;
It's because you don't understand it either. That feeling, that need.
You told me once that I'm the worst thing for you
But you can't stop thinking about me, needing me, wanting me.
I couldn't agree with you more.
That feeling, I believe is that so called love.
But if you really think about it, is it not an instinct to need someone to care?
So then is it just a comforting word meaning you're not alone.

I don't really care at the moment,
because even if love is just an allusion to not feel so alone in this world, so be it.
I'm wrapped in your arms right now listening to you whisper how much you love me and I too whisper back.

"I will always love you."

So whether it be reality or an illusion, I don't care.
All I know is that I love you and I feel safe and protected in this moment.

Never Say Stop

"I will stop if you ask."  She held his gaze for a few long seconds, contemplating his words, before turning her eyes back to the fireworks and nodding in embarrassed understanding. Embarrassed because she knew that no matter how much he made her shake inside, no matter how flushed her face, or how tongue-tied and anxious she became, she would never ask him to stop.

Stop

You're only hurting yourself you realize don't you?
You stare me down as if trying to intimidate me.
No, not intimidate, convince. You want me back and I so desperately try to fight it.
I can't do this; you're the one who said enough.
You're the one who said stop.
So why can't you? why can't you just stop?
Stop trying talk to me. Stop trying to smile at me.
Stop, please, just stop. Can't you see the damage you've done?
Do you really want to cause more.
Suddenly he's moving and I haven't realized it but the bell has wrong.
I don't move, I watch him come and lean over and wipe the tear that has
so embarrassingly fallen down my cheek.
He says it then without words just a simple, lowering of his eyes;
I see it, I hear it in those few seconds.
"I love you"
My breath hitches
The teacher asks "What's going on?"
And in the next second he has gone.

Quit

You leave me there. There really isn't anything to say.
I can't say; "Well that's alright"
I can't say; "It will be okay"
I can't say anything, because there isn't anything to say.
It isn't it won't be, I nod understanding and leave.
I turn my back on the person who wanted to help. No you turned yours on me.
I was a lost cause something you could never fix or didn't want to.
I wanted so much for us but now you are quiting.
Though I know, because I know you, it doesn't mean anything.
You will fight against your better judgement.
Because you're addicted, and have felt withdrawl and want more you want to overdose.
You want me. You want me so much you would do anything,
and as I sit here knowing you're watching. Feeling your eyes on me.
I watch the clock praying the bell will ring. Hoping that I can escape but it doesn't,
and I did the stupidist thing I could've. I looked back into those deep green eyes, and I lost.

Anniverser

They say that your Birthday is a special day.

A day full of joy and happy tears.

Then why is it cloudy today?

Why is it everyone is yelling and shouting and saying today was horrible?

Why is it I'm on the floor holding myself saying it will all work out?

Pain is what I remember today,

Fear is what I think of today,

Anger, Hatred, Loss, and so many others haunting me

Just leave me alone.

I want today to be the day I smile and laugh

For everyone to be happy with what they have

For love and kindness and patients to be part of the memory of today

I hear yelling I cut trying to forget I throw up trying to forget.

Just make it stop.

Today was suppose to be my birthday.