Substitute for My Love

I have decided that, if I am too scared
Then the only other thing I have to remind myself
Is this piece of wood here.

I suppose sitting here just makes it that,
But just like you, I am also scared to face this.
I know it cannot hurt me, will not hurt me,
Just like you, it will nurture me.
If only, if only I lift the fall board.....

I stare a bit more, deciding.
It's all I have.....
To remind me of you......
But also...... my sister.

I gingerly sweep my hands over the ivory keys
And my decision is made

I will play, to remind me of you My Love, My Master and My Big Sister.

I feel a tear slip....

The room is filled with life and it warms me,
This is no longer a piece of wood.
It is my heart..... Our heart.

Slower

I want to cuddle beside you,
I want to enjoy every moment,
I know there is a need,
Please be patient,

You understand me,
And I understand you.

I will do as you wish
Because I love to please,
And see that smile on your face.

But I hope you know,
That I'm still just a kid
I just want someone to hold me,

I'm still very fragile and these
Ruff motions make me wonder

Do you love me?
I know it's a silly question
But still I hope
Your not lying

Just take a look at what has happened
You ripped it apart and I trust
It won't happen again.

So promise me.....

"I love you,"

But how much?

Dying Inside

It's happening again
A withdrawl but it's worse........ stronger
Every move is becoming a blur
All I wish to do is sleep
I don't wish to see any sun or anyone

My thoughts are empty
Nothing but nonsense

Go away everyone and everything
No i don't need anything not water nor food
Nor anything you have to offer

Please return,
Please save me,
My Master

Remember? Our Promise

You wake up one day
With the same dream again
Of a place far away,
Of a memory when,

We sat under our tree,
With dawn dragonflies
Guarding you and me,
And our sugared lies.

Then the dream starts to fade,
And you’re alone like before,
With the promise we made,
That the dragonflies bore.

You write and you call,
Numbers that don’t exist,
Will you forfeit it all,
A made-up friend that you miss.

I am,
Where you left me last,
The same place present, future, past.
And under our tree,
You promised me, if anywhere,
You’d be there.
And under our tree,
You promised me, solemnly swore
Forevermore.

Just sitting there,
Your hand in mine,
I realized where,
We’d drawn the line 

We started to know,
That in future days
We would grow
Our different ways.

The dragonflies knew
Of children’s deep thought,
Around us they flew
Of them we forgot

But we promised anyway,
It felt humane to lie,
Seems just like yesterday
When all the dragonflies died.

I was,
All of your tears and your laughs,
But now just some old photograph.
And under our tree,
You promised me, if anywhere,
You’d be there.
And under our tree,
You promised me, solemnly swore
Forevermore.

Remember how
You said you’d cry;
Does it matter now,
That your face is dry?

I warned you before
That we’d have to choose
I never felt so poor
With so much to loose.

No! we made a promise,
Under our childhood tree,
And I wouldn’t wrong us
To become fate’s refugee.

If that promise dies,
And twas just a dream,
Then goodbye, our dragonflies,
And all that they mean.

I will be,
Coming, looking for you.
That is the promise you made me, too.
And under our tree,
You promised me, if anywhere,
You’d be there.
And under our tree,
You promised me, solemnly swore
Forevermore.

Awaited

I sit here, drawing
nothing in particular just a doodle
I've been here -what an hour?

I'm just about ready to leave as
I finish my final line
then in my outer view
I see You

I turn the page in my book as if nothing is askew
but inside
I'm shaking and praying that
I didn't just see a ghost

I close my eyes a moment to find what
I want to draw
I close my eyes and all
I see is, of course, You

I hear You sigh across the table
my heart jumps up into the sky
tentatively, nervously
I look up and inside
I'm thanking everyone and everything
because it wasn't a ghost

it was You, my Master

a shaky hand reaches for my neck and of course as
I hold it a light jingle can be heard
You smile a gentle smile of understanding

You stand and of course
I follow and of course my collar lightly jingles as I follow You. <3

Waiting

I play with it for hours
this collar of mine
I feel like a stray
looking for her master
I meow and whine in your absence

tell me that you'll be there next time
I come that we may meet and enjoy one another.

to feel the other and know that the other is real, so that
I may prove to you that
I love you as much as
I say

call me and
I shall come to your voice
that lovely singing
I wish to hear it once more

I'll wait here for you
I'll come every day and stay for hours
just playing with it
the collar you gave me
so please come
I love you
My master

Departure for Despair

In this last hour I think and think
Calculating in my head for just the right answer.

I know this might be the last time I may see him
My master...
I run out as it ends those few seconds I'm lost in the crowed.
I don't see him please please where are you?
A hand finds mine and I look back it's her and I smile
I pretend like nothing's wrong but my panic and worry grows

Her and I take our seprate ways the sun burns my skin as her hand leaves mine
I head to where he might be but when I get on he's not there nowhere to be seen

I sigh and sit in an empty seat
Another friend comes and sits uinfront of me
again I fein a smile.

He never shows my sorrow is consuming
I leave after a moment and walk a while
wondering if perhaps I'll see him but I know I won't

The sun burns I flee to shade and make my way quick to hide

I lay there morning
My apathy towards all increasing as the need does.

Please Tell Me You'll Be There When I Wake Up
Please Lie To Me