Anniverser

They say that your Birthday is a special day.

A day full of joy and happy tears.

Then why is it cloudy today?

Why is it everyone is yelling and shouting and saying today was horrible?

Why is it I'm on the floor holding myself saying it will all work out?

Pain is what I remember today,

Fear is what I think of today,

Anger, Hatred, Loss, and so many others haunting me

Just leave me alone.

I want today to be the day I smile and laugh

For everyone to be happy with what they have

For love and kindness and patients to be part of the memory of today

I hear yelling I cut trying to forget I throw up trying to forget.

Just make it stop.

Today was suppose to be my birthday.

For You To Know

I need to feel you against me.
Your perfect lips meeting and melding to mine.
I miss you, I want you. You make my heart race inside.
All of it so overpowering, please stay for all of time
I love you more than anything else. Please be mine.

Withdrawal

It feels like decades, yet only days.
It hurts, it yearns for you, it aches
Like somethings missing, my second half, my saner part
But when I return that second day will you in that room over power me?
Will you bend me like you please, you say you wont yet I know you will
I will not stop you either; My lovers curse, to be obedient to that I serve.
I fear the pretator within will make loose,
That precious line I trust you with, will break and tear
All self conscious thrown away.
Bend me, break me, pull me close, Tighter! Tighter!
And I know this will come because you've suffered from the
Withdrawal too.

Addicted

You think this is funny, this game we play?
I find it torture, but I can't get enough.
Each time we're alone it becomes more and more dangerous
You can't trust me and I can't trust you
To hold on to that something we find so precious
What was it again? Oh yes our sanity.
No please stop I can't go on.
More, more, just one more time.
Love me, hold me tighter.
I'm addicted to your touch
To your heat, to everything about you
But I know we must stop or otherwise;
We'll overdose

Yes

I seem to just realize you have given up much for me.
You've turned your back to the ones you trusted
Because now they tell you; Love is not to be lusted.
Yet you don't see that all you see is me.
I lied to you yet you do not care.
You love me more than you could ever share.
I love you too I've always said.
But don't forget,
to breath again.
Don't turn your back, on those who are there.
For I will stay
even though the times will change
I'll be waiting just the same.
Even as years pass by and we will grow.
I'll stand there waiting knowing you said 'Yes'
When I asked "Do you love me?"
So go on do not stay
I'll be fine just walk away
Don't turn your head
Because I'll be dead
When you look in my eyes
All you'll see is dread.
But do not freat because when you return
Life will sprut from my heart
Once again.

Then once again will both say yes
As we stand hand in hand
At the Alter.

Touch

I feel you push against me. I want to be closer your touch like fire on my skin.
I want to escape but yet stay in your warmth.
I turn trying to escape from you.
Yet you follow, raising my chin so that you may meet my gaze.
You pull me close again and all my control is lost as your hand travails over me.
I push back, I turn yet not to leave.
To let you feel me. I guide your hands and it seems your control is lost as well.
All we see is one another. No one else is there, silence is broken only with ragged breaths.
You turn me in you arms and kiss my head, my cheek my lips.
You do not linger.
You let me go.
Yet I know not for long.
Your hands may have not lingered, but your eyes they do and the memory of those touches.
I see the fire in your eyes as others hold me.
Such a selfish man you are, yet I wear this collar just to prove;
Those touches will not be forgotten.

The World

People tell me I'm crazy all the time. Some part of me believes that, but another part doesn't. I do make sense, but only to myself. My thoughts and emotions are very taken care of and well placed. I think things through carefully and unionized but when I try to express them they don't come out correctly. So maybe in that sense I am crazy, maybe that's why I can only express myself through art and scripture. Maybe that's why I think no one understands me. I do try to help people understand me, but they get too confused, too frustrated to keep trying. So I know that when people are my friends and love me for who I am, I know they truly care for me or they just see the mask that I've become so good at putting up. In that group of people there really are only a hand full who see me for who I am. Who have forcefully come up to me and ripped off that mask, made me show them who I am or even convinced me to take it off for them. Those are my true friends, those are people I call my family. Even if they're not related to me in anyway we find we have a mutual understanding that we will always be with one another, it doesn't matter where we are, what we're doing. Just that we are alive and striving for a better tomorrow. That we'll be there to help each other up. That we we'll be there at a funeral for a family member of that person, even if we didn't know them. That we will cry when they get hurt and we will rejoice when they get better. That is a family and I am finally happy to say I have found one.